i watched you die last night and left you in the snow
packed ice against your ribcage
keep him like this forever, i tell the coyotes that gather at your boots
he loved basketball and his father, i think or just
basketball.
was i meant to survive this
your diary on my bedside table. that long finger tracing the veins of my cheek.
i was always blushing. now i wash my mouth out with soap. erase the grit.
i meet my dad for coffee and tell him that you left because we weren’t in love anymore
and it can be true. and i put more creamer into my coffee. and i try to feel something
again. i retrace my steps down chase avenue. past UDF. deleted voicemails. the
newsreels. the national crisis. your blue eyes. your dirtiness. oh my god.
you kept me so hot it was like you were alive.
on the street we used to live on,
i can become anyone:
your mother, a carcass,
streetcleaner, your boss
the woman that lives in the alley
telling me people are so goddamn mean,
a little boy, banging a stick on lampposts down the street, yelling each time
oh my god, another one? he’s laughing. it’s a game, his mother asks him to keep up--
oh my god, another one?
oh my god, another one?
lover,
are you eating
lover,
meet me where we vanish into white
i can’t find your body anymore
was i meant to survive you
oh my god, another one?
oh my god, another one?
oh my god, another one?
oh my god
packed ice against your ribcage
keep him like this forever, i tell the coyotes that gather at your boots
he loved basketball and his father, i think or just
basketball.
was i meant to survive this
your diary on my bedside table. that long finger tracing the veins of my cheek.
i was always blushing. now i wash my mouth out with soap. erase the grit.
i meet my dad for coffee and tell him that you left because we weren’t in love anymore
and it can be true. and i put more creamer into my coffee. and i try to feel something
again. i retrace my steps down chase avenue. past UDF. deleted voicemails. the
newsreels. the national crisis. your blue eyes. your dirtiness. oh my god.
you kept me so hot it was like you were alive.
on the street we used to live on,
i can become anyone:
your mother, a carcass,
streetcleaner, your boss
the woman that lives in the alley
telling me people are so goddamn mean,
a little boy, banging a stick on lampposts down the street, yelling each time
oh my god, another one? he’s laughing. it’s a game, his mother asks him to keep up--
oh my god, another one?
oh my god, another one?
lover,
are you eating
lover,
meet me where we vanish into white
i can’t find your body anymore
was i meant to survive you
oh my god, another one?
oh my god, another one?
oh my god, another one?
oh my god
✱✱✱
| Madge Maril is a multimedia artist, poet, journalist, and synth player here for a good time, not a long time. She can be accessed online at @everyonesmyboyfriend on Instagram. |
