i remember when my dreams weren't about you, when i saw incandescent lights and pulled my own body from the river, bruised and rotten. now, i anchor you to the bottom of the ocean, where the water is red and tastes like blood and salt. we sit on parked cars that aren't ours and watch the moon grow so big she touches our hands with her tender blue warmth. i tell you i've never seen snow before and your laughter fills me to the brim, it's excessive, spilling in all directions until we’re both choking under it and i look at you but you've disappeared, leaving behind a soft silver outline and fragments of the memories we had together: touching sweaty foreheads under the blinding february sunlight, me tasting your apple cider mouth until my tongue felt sticky, sewing a gardening patch to the inside of your mothball covered denim jacket. come morning, my body is damp and weightless. your absence is reminiscent of my early-teen heartaches, thick and syrupy. when i dream again, you're looking at me with grief and joy at all once. i sew the image to the back of my eyelids. this way, i can keep you forever.
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| vaneeza sohail is a brown, bisexual, nineteen year old med student who enjoys juggling all fifteen of her hobbies. when she’s not crying, she can be found posting some of her work on instagram.com/mauve.magic. |
